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Tag Archives: self evaluation

So, You Think You Know Me

I often wonder how you come up with the notion that you know me.  Too many times you have said that I am like this or I am like that.  You are only just seeing me but believe that you know what I am all about.  Let me ask you this:  Where were you:

When:  I was a child of 18 months in the early 1960s and survived an infection of spinal meningitis…at a time when the mortality rate was much higher than today.  Thankfully, I don’t remember it but apparently, I had to learn to walk all over.  To this day, I can’t stand cold showers–I was told that I was placed in ice water to battle the fever.  I have discolored and bad teeth attributed to the antibiotics used.  I was truly blessed.

When:  My parents divorced when I was four;

When:  I met my new older sisters; and subsequently, my younger siblings through the years;

When:  I was 9 or 10 — I was introduced to baseball, and I loved it; I was bitten on the finger by a garden snake while picking berries and suffered from acute appendicitis (not related to snake bite);

When:  I was 11 and 12 — I used to lay in my bed with my transistor radio under my pillow, pretending to be asleep but really listening to the evening baseball games; I dreamed of playing ball like Carl Yastrzemski;  I actually played baseball for a while but life took me in a different direction;

When:  I first kissed a girl — on the lips; my first date; getting my driver license and driving my first car;  and my first pickup truck with 3 on the column — it was missing 2nd gear;

When:  I wrestled, boxed a little and competed in gymnastics for a year;

When:  I enlisted in the Navy and left home;  arriving at boot camp; whoa — major life change!

When:  I arrived at the beach, at sundown, in San Diego, CA, on the 4th of July after driving cross-country to my first duty station;

When:  I flew in a helicopter to an aircraft carrier;  thinking all along there wasn’t enough deck for the helo;

When:  I met and fell in love with my first wife;

When:  I was at sea for months at a time — and later was divorced from my first wife;

When:  Iranian Hostage Crisis;

When: I first used a keypunch machine (1977); a computer (1981); my first microwave oven (1986) right after the shuttle Challenger blew up; my first cell phone (1987); I was studying computer programming; and got my first personal computer (1989);

When:  I visited numerous ports-of-call in many foreign countries being exposed to so many different cultures;

When:  I met my second wife;

When:  I was the third person in the world to hold my new born daughter;

When:  at 18 months old, I rushed my daughter to the hospital because she had eaten her grandmother’s blood pressure pill–I drove on the sidewalk to bypass traffic; and, at her bedside, I prayed all night for her recovery — God blessed us;

When:  I visited my mother, who had terminal cancer a few weeks before she died but because of “military operational commitments,” I could not be there when she passed but my brothers were with her;

When:  Desert Shield and Desert Storm;

When:  I got a second divorce; and lost custody of my daughter;

When: I didn’t get promoted, again — I retired from the Navy after 23 1/2 years’ of service;

When:  A heart arterial catheter angiogram;

When:  I was one of the last people to be with my former mother-in-law when she died — we had a rocky start but after her debilitating stroke, I read the Bible to her and we often prayed together in the last few months of her life;  I held her hand for a couple of hours in the hospital room the day she died–shortly after I left the hospital;

When:  I wandered, apparently aimlessly and selfishly, for several years;  searching for “happiness;”

When:  My first wife found me on the internet and after nearly 20 years we got back together;  we’ve been together for 11 years now.  She says she loves me…personally, I think she tolerates me;   😉

When:  My first granddaughter was born; I think I was about the 5th or 6th person to hold her but I was there when she was born;  there are now four grandchildren, two girls and two boys — the youngest is named after my dad and me;

When: My ex-wife unexpectedly died and I flew 3,000 miles to help comfort my daughter and two oldest grandchildren who knew her;

When:  I or my wife were out of work for extended periods of time; since 2006

When:  My mother-in-law had a stroke and came to live with us so we could help care for her; she is 87 now;

When:  five colonoscopies over the past 20 years;

When:  I draw or  paint pictures; or, (still WIP) writing a couple of books;

When:  After nearly 40 years’ as an administrator, I learned to:  publish ebooks, write a blog and build a solar battery bank by watching YouTube videos; It actually works the way it is supposed to– I’m stoked;

When: after many years of God’s prompting, I finally started ministry studies;  its not easy to find time to study, after working all day, as an olderly guy and still be able to spend quality time with my wife — she’s very understanding;

When:  that little boat has been sitting in my driveway for the past 2 years and hasn’t touched a lake yet, since I’ve had her…

These are snippets of my life — soooooooo much more has made the person I am today.  Yet, you think you know me.  You lie to me and tell lies about me; you steal from me; and, call me names when you think I don’t hear you.  I wonder, what is it really?

I know that you don’t really know me, you couldn’t regardless of how you try to portray yourself, especially at your young ages–remember, I was younger once, too.

God has told us to love one another — he didn’t say, “no matter how difficult your fellow man makes it…”

Matthew 22:35 And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. 36 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” 37 And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.

You probably don’t even realize that I pray for you daily but that’s okay.  I pray that God will open your spirit, your heart and your mind to the salvation of Christ Jesus, who paid the ultimate price for all of us; who is the way to eternal life.

No, you don’t know me and I don’t really know you even though I’ve been where your are and I know — for many of us, there is freedom when we surrender to the will of God, in the name of Jesus — His only begotten Son.

 

Jay 🙂

 

 

 

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Reaching Out by R.S. Barrett

I was seeking refuge when I reached out to you,

I wonder if you have any idea how difficult that was to do.

Not because it was your voice I sought,

Not because I should not ought,

This enormous flaw I wear like a shield,

Most often to me misery does yield.

Pride! Lift me up and hold me high,

Let not it be revealed that I hold my strength so nigh,

So that others might somehow see,

That I too have yearning, I ache, I need.

And in my quiet desperation, not knowing,

What seed I’d dropped or what it might be sowing,

You gave to me not what I was hoping for,

But instead you reached back with so much more.

R.S. Barrett

 
1 Comment

Posted by on March 14, 2016 in searching, Uncategorized

 

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We Live in an Ambiguous Society

Disclaimer: The following is an opinion diatribe…read at your own interest.
Wha?

Wha?

If bald is beautiful, why is hair restoration so important?

Vagueness seems to be common place in our society. Why?

Political Correctness, not wanting to hurt others’ feelings, personal and mental sensitivity; not being able to see past one side of a situation or object; or perhaps, we lack the ability to express or describe something for fear of all those things. Moreover, I think the answer is actually within us, personally, because we’re afraid. Yes, afraid of how we will be perceived.

Take the blunt person. How many times have we complained that person is a bully, contrary, argumentative or that they’re just a(n) (smart)ass? We often hear that he or she is just mean, not to mention the vulgarities used to describe them. Do we ever take into consideration of what they are telling us, regardless of how it is delivered?

Then there is the meek person, the person who doesn’t make themselves clear because they are afraid of how they will be perceived. And then, we call them weak, timid, shy and often make fun of them or just dismiss their views altogether.

How about the uninformed person? They speak to be involved even though they do not have a grasp of the facts of a situation, person or object. We are quick to describe them as a village idiot and also ignore them.

The gamers, liars, performers, politicians…just to single out a few, all bring up negative views in our minds but yet, we are reluctant to describe them as they truly are [perceived].

Think about how many times we denounce violent behavior but do nothing to stop it because the solution often requires, yes, violence.  How can we coexist with people who literally want to kill us?

Our personal standards of what is right and wrong, our own filters and barriers, our fears, fears of rejections, retaliation, or of being ostracized, often dictate how we describe the world around us.

I enjoy when people like me but I don’t care if they do. I really mean it. I am somewhat of an extrovert because my life has ran the course from here to there, so many “new” environments and places—personally as well as employment. I wasn’t raised to be meek but I have learned to tone down my bluntness; and I am now more reluctant to fight at the drop of a word—argue maybe but not fight.

In the midst of the destruction of our society, as we have known it, dialogue is so beneficial. However, when one group seems to have all the answers, for everyone regardless of our differences, no matter which side of the situation we are on, we will find the enslaved and oppressed on the other side. I do not say this about a particular group of peoples based on color, ethnicity or religion. I say this based on a free people of this country, the United States of America, which for at least the past decade has been anything but united.

It is ideology that is changing our way of life and regardless of the ambiguity of our situation, it appears ambivalence is a driving force. One size does not fit all, in spite of what “they” tell us.

No, violence is often not the answer but when survival is at stake, sometime we must defend ourselves. But what will be the reasons behind our fight? Will it be so that we can have more and someone else have less? Will it be so that we can be recognized for ourselves, our individual ways of life(styles)? Will it be for our religious freedoms and whether ours will be the dominate one? Will it be for our children, so that if there is a future, it will be a good and prosperous time for them?

Or, will it be for our freedom? Freedom from tyranny brought on by those that seemingly know what is better for us as a “society” regardless of what is better for us as individuals of a nation.  Regardless of what we really want?

I would hope that we cast our ambivalence aside and make a stand for our individual freedom over a society of leeches. When someone receives, it has to come from somewhere. Are we as a hard-working people going to let them take it (whatever the “it” is) from us without some kind of stand? I would hope not.

Open dialogue is good – intimidation is not. Do not allow yourselves to be intimidated anymore. Speak up before they tell you your speech is no longer free. Don’t be vague, tell us how you really feel about something. Ambiguity may be killing you.

I can’t see the top of my head, in your opinion, am I bald, yet?

Jay 🙂

 

 

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Time management: perhaps you should have departed sooner…

2nd Oil

2nd Oil

Time management: perhaps you should have departed sooner…

That’s my new bumper sticker. Well, it soon will be once I receive it in the mail next week.

Okay, so I’m the guy you hear about at work from one of your irate co-workers explaining why they are late for work—you know, the one who is late all the time. They will rant and rave about this guy in a perfectly healthy Jeep Liberty who apparently had nothing better to do than to hold up traffic and cause them to get caught by every light, and stop sign. They will not, however, take responsibility for their own lack of time management that led to their tardiness.

Yep, I’m the speed limit guy. Occasionally, I drive over the speed limit by a couple of mph but normally it’s the speed limit. If my wife wants to get somewhere in a more timely manner, she’ll offer to drive.

I must note that it drives me nuts when someone else drives under the speed limit when there are no reasons to do so, such as, inclement weather, construction, a parade or heavy traffic. I do my best to plan my events, manage my time to where I can get to where I’m going and be there on time. Even traveling the speed limit, I’m usually there ahead by 10 minutes or right on time. Sometimes I miss the mark but not by much (unexpected parades).   😉

You see, I used to be in a hurry and yell at all the other drivers for their mistakes. It was not pretty. My so-called road rage was really just inside my car most of the time with an occasional hand signal to other drivers to let them know I was not pleased with their road skills.

It took a while for me to mature in this area but now that I’m an olderly guy, I like having less stress in my life. I drive to work, at ease.  When I get to work, I’m calm and relaxed because I’ve had no drama to kick me up. I can recommend it to anyone who suffers from time mismanagement. If you have to, get up 10 minutes early.  Enjoy your coffee, watch the weather and traffic reports and leave at a time that is most convenient to you for you to enjoy your drive. If you have little kids, well, that’s on you–do your best.  Maybe people at work will notice your calmness and appreciate it.

I’ve started noticing landmarks that I previously did not know existed.  When people say to me, “You know, down by such a place or such a street,” I can say, “Yes, I do.”

Oh, to the guy in the little white Toyota that sped around me in the no passing zone and almost got hit by the firetruck…you know.

And to the rest of you that like to drive fast because you don’t care about rules and laws and think they don’t apply to you, don’t whine and cry if you are the survivor.

Jay 🙂

Every day is someone’s judgement day…be prepared or be extra careful.

 

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My Sanctuary

There's no place like home

There’s no place like home

I enjoy people in the real world; I enjoy the customer service aspect of my job as I also enjoy karaoke.  But when I am home with my wife and the furry kids, I so enjoy my privacy.

Oh how I enjoy my privacy.  Thankfully, soon the leaves on the trees will be full enough to where the neighbors can’t see me and I won’t be able to see them.

The daffodils have departed, the tulips are on their way out; azaleas and dogwoods in bloom as I await the irises and the peonies.  The birds feeding — the blue birds in their houses and soon the return of humming birds and butterflies.

An April rainy day, a cup of coffee and the love of my life…God has blessed me, the sinner, in spite of myself.

My God-given sanctuary in a city neighborhood.

Jay 🙂

 

 
1 Comment

Posted by on April 16, 2015 in home, perspective, sanctuary, spring, Uncategorized, weather

 

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The Bull’s Eye of Life (Update)

Currently available for free #Kindle download.  Get yours today.  Read it and review it.

http://www.amazon.com/Bulls-Eye-Life-L-J-LeBorgne-ebook/dp/B00O8DZX3Y/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1417541204&sr=8-3&keywords=the+bull%27s+eye+of+life

 

 
 

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Time Management (Self-Management)

Too many times have I heard someone say, “There’s just not enough hours in a day…

List of things to do this week:

  1. Morning Bible Study/Prayer/Meditation
  2. Morning Exercise
  3. Work 40 -43 hours
  4. Phone calls with dad, daughter and sister
  5. Proof The Tor King for print on demand
  6. Publish and self-promote The Tor King for print on demand
  7. Add addendum to The Bull’s-Eye of Life
  8. Verify copyright for The Bull’s-Eye of Life
  9. Format cover for The Bull’s-Eye of Life for Kindle
  10. Publish The Bull’s-Eye of Life for Kindle
  11. Type more on the Study Guide for The Bull’s-Eye of Life
  12. View video for men’s group discussion at Sunday evening meeting
  13. Study for and take exam for lesson 1 in Public Speaking course
  14. Help wife paint framing for back porch prior to contractor installing screening
  15. Vehicle recall and oil change
  16. Yard work / inspect roof and gutters
  17. Resume cleaning garage
  18. Attend Worship Services
  19. Scan client photos and documents
  20. Update ancestry.com
  21. Write at least two articles for blog
  22. Pick one of my five personal books and start writing first draft
  23. Spend at least 5 quality minutes with wife

This is my actual To Do list for this week.  Though there doesn’t appear to be enough time to do everything on my list, except for writing on my personal book, everything will be accomplished.  Remember, not everything has to be done “now.”

These things are in combination with normal daily routine.  My wife, her mother and I use team work to take care of things around the house.  They do most of the house cleaning and taking care of the cooking and our dog children.  Usually, in the morning prior to me departing for work, I put a load in the wash and delay start until the afternoon so it will be done about time my wife comes home from work.  She finishes the process.  We do the same with other chores around the house…whoever can does when they can.  Some things are easier on me because my wife does so much that I do not have to do them myself; and my daughter, knucklehead and the grandkids live almost 3,000 miles away–fewer distractions.

My To Do list.  To accomplish all these tasks in the week ahead will require personal dedication to ensure that I am not pulled away by distractions such as, watching the Cleveland Browns play the Tennessee Titans, The American League Divisional playoffs, Bones, Criminal Minds, CSI, NCIS(s) and Person of Interest.  I do not say that I will not watch these programs but more than likely, I will watch one or two, or they will be on while I’m working on simple projects.  I won’t have them on when I’m reading, studying or need to concentrate on specific details.  However, when I’m formatting and typing books or scanning documents, these programs will be background fodder.

The main reason all or most of everything on my list will be accomplished is because of self- and time management.  I’m experienced enough to know about how much time it takes to accomplish a task and give myself a little extra time for unexpected events.  The guy at the dealership said it should take 1 1/2 hours to accomplish the recall and oil change so, I have blocked out 2 1/2 hours on my schedule.

Management of self is one of my most difficult accomplishments but nonetheless, mostly accomplished.  It is very easy for me to get wrapped up in tv, surfing the net, watching the ballgames, etc.  However, I’ve reached a point where I know that time is a swift river.

Some may not understand or wonder, who do I think I am to take on this endeavor?  I (self)publish, write, draw and paint for nothing other than personal creativity and self-satisfaction.  I don’t consider myself anymore than average at these things and sure, it is nice when others compliment me for these accomplishments, who wouldn’t like a little praise or encouragement.  But sometimes, just looking at the outcome is to me, satisfactory.

In order to accomplish all that I choose to do, I must manage myself and my time.  No one else can do it for me.  Others can assist in this or that but I am the only one who can determine what I can do in the time that it needs to be done.  If I’m squirrely I’ll never reach my goals. Some may say that I am self-disciplined.  Well, I read once on Wikipedia, I think, that discipline is not a course of actions leading to certain goal or ideal but a disciplined person is one that has established a goal and is willing to achieve that goal at the expense of his or her individuality (or words to that effect).  In my case, my individuality that is not at stake for this is the pouring out of my individuality and the discipline is in managing time to accomplish the goals that allow me to express who or what I really am.

I think this comes down to is personal desire.  It doesn’t make a difference who you are, if you truly have a desire to accomplish everything that you want or need to in a given time, take it upon yourself to do just that.  Take charge of yourself and plan your time and stick to your schedule but do allow for outside influences or accidents because life happens.  When you know in advance that you are helping someone else, put it on your schedule.  You can, though, limit other people drama by analyzing the need for your input and acting accordingly.  Please be kind to others and share yourself when you can or have the opportunity.

So,wouldn’t it be nice if the mechanic actually takes only 1 1/2 hours to complete the work on my vehicle, then I’ll have an extra hour to spend with my wife–as long as it fits into her schedule.  😉

Jay 🙂

 

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